Gumtree Advert

Posted on December 4, 2012


This was posted on Gumtree in 2009, when they had a dating classifieds section, which has since been removed. I know that this person received quite a lot of replies! I posted it up because I was just going through some old bits of writing, came across it, read it, and it made me smile. In 2009 this might have been scandalous. Now in 2012, nearly 13, in the post-50 Shades era this probably seems tame.

You knock on my door. I let you in. There’s no small talk. I tell you where to go. You go there, wait. I look you up down. I decide what I want you to do. I tell you to take your clothes off. We still don’t speak. I tell you that I only want you to speak when I ask you a question. I ask you if you understand. You nod, say yes. You shake off your last trouser leg, then slide down your pants. You shuffle on your feet. Naked, exposed. My room is cold. Your nipples are hard. I sit in the corner of the room, comfortable, and stare at your body, your skin, your hair. I take in the colour and the sight of your most private parts. I like what I see.

I lead a stressful life at the moment. I’m not seeking from this, conventional intimacy. The sight and the touch of your naked submissive body, whilst you succumb to my every whim and demand, is of far more interest to me than going on a date, stumbling home drunk and awkwardly tolerating your nervous fumbles in the dark.

You’ll want to do anything I ask, to please me. Because you’re needy like that. My approval, in turn, pleases you. Afterwards, you’ll spend every waking hour relinquishing that moment, where my eyes first bore holes in your shrouded innocence. The feel of my touch, on memory, will make you throb.

Send me your photos and a description of why I might be interested in opening my door to you. Intelligent, curious, beautiful women and men aged 23-33 are what I seek.

Posted in: History, Journal, Random