Dating Profiles

Posted on December 12, 2012


dating profile ad

In the interests of stripping back the bullshit, and not pretending to be anything other than just me, I starting thinking about online dating profiles and how they’re the epitome of facade.

I’ve always had a wee knack for writing a decent profile, whether it was to find a stranger to hang out with on new years eve (I was in particularly messed up place that year, feeding off thrills whilst unemployed) or presenting myself as a Domme on Collar Me (hah) or the kooky thoughtful yet playful person on Ok Cupid (puke).

All these profiles accurately described part of me – they were written by me and came from me after all. But they were projections of who I think I wanted to be at that time. Suiting whatever mood I was in. Which would then mean the fear of who I really am, or the darker stuff I hide and the contradictions in how other’s perceive me  were left vulnerable to kick in and I probably wouldn’t end up acting like the person I really am, or anywhere close to the person in that profile. Leaving my would be suitors only open to disappointment. Or perhaps i’m just too hard on myself. I’m pretty sure that total stranger I met in a hotel room wasn’t left disappointed.

So I thought it would be a useful exercise to write a truthful honest profile. For where i’m at now. Unafraid to just say it how it is. I’m not going to post it anywhere, I’m pretty sure i’m done with meeting people romantically in such a non-organic dynamic. It works for some but its not for me.  But I’m going to work on this profile, i’m curious to see what it might say – and if I do post it anywhere, it will only be on here. Where I have no readers. No people to cast judgement. (I love how I write these posts as if I do have one though). I will also stop writing with annoyingly short sentences. Like, to create dramatic effect. Yeh?

If you decide to venture down that road though, into the world of online dating – just one piece of advice. Never trust a black and white photo. Don’t post one yourself, don’t try to be funny, don’t use smiley faces (if you’re a dude) or loads of explanation marks!!! Or maybe just be yourself and do what comes naturally, maybe its only me who finds those things really annoying. Maybe if you just do what comes naturally to you, you’ll someday find a partner who just likes you for you.

The reason I hate online dating is because it is total and utter bullshit. People project the person they want others to think they are, they put up their best photos – usually over five years old – and its a cliche but they always stick up picks of them on holiday, tanned and wearing shades.  THEY DO NOT LOOK LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE. And you know where they said they love rock climbing or diving? THEY DID THIS ONCE. ON HOLIDAY. THAT SAME HOLIDAY FROM THE PHOTOS THEY PUT UP.

In some regard there’s something to be said about the online fetish community. People lay themselves bare (and in many cases I mean this literally) dressed as adult babies, Masters or subs. That said, the tendency to masquerade as something better, slimmer, sexier or more charismatic transcends across all online profiles. The festish community are try hards too. And all looking for love as much as the next person. For a fleeting moment you can be who you want to be and flirt with people you wouldn’t dream of approaching in the real world (probably through lack of confidance). Do you want to be with that person? Do you think that person is sexy? If the answer is Yes! then what you waiting for? Get online now – there are thousands of people waiting for you. A date is literally just around the corner.

This is why I stopped meeting people online. I am pretty capable of meeting people in the real world, I make genuine connections and enjoy meeting new people all the time. For me, I’d just rather meet someone in the old fashioned way before the age of Blendr and Match. In the real world, you know what you’re getting from the off (ish – but the joy of what you don’t know is that its there to discover). In the the real world, genuine human chemistry is almost novel (I don’t usually want to hump everyone I meet – on the contrary), but when you have it, its clear from the start there’s a spark and its exciting to explore it and venture into the unknown. I don’t know where they went on holiday in 2006, I am open to finding out the things we have in common and feeling the buzz of discovering them, and it’s just really nice to get to know someone in an already established real-world chemistry dynamic.

Obviously when my little prune dries out and i’m in need of some juice, i’ll be urgently acquiring plums online like the rest of you. Till then i’ll stay wrapped up in my smug bed blanket watching re-runs of ER.

Hey, I can be whatever contradiction I wanna be. I ain’t trying to woo you.

Posted in: Journal