….and i’m feeling good

Posted on December 16, 2012

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Without meaning to sound smug, i’m feeling good. Burning out, viral infection, exhaustion and the ensuing depression kicked the rug outta me for a few weeks and vertically arrested me – but I went there. I switched off the television, rid myself of all work related distractions and faced the rather unpleasant feelings that had initially overwhelmed me, and for years, i’d been avoiding.

On the 12/12/12 I let myself feel whatever it was I had been carrying around with me until till midnight – and then that was it. The end of that world. The end of feeling secretly rubbish, tired, my brain too full and unable to take anything else on or muster the energy or passion to feel excited about life. The end of pining for things I no longer had, and of fearing a future not yet had.

A few days have passed now. And the one step forward two steps back reality that had previously plagued me (its a shitter, right?), no longer seems to have applied itself. It’s the 16/12/12 and i’m feeling good.

If there’s one thing i’d like to say to anyone suffering – and capable to venture bravely into the unknown – which I appreciate is a skill/gift/special ability – it’s that you should. If you think you can, if you feel like you have no other option, if you’re fed up and want things to change, then Go There. Face your darkness. Stare it in the eye and muster all the courage you have to tell it that it is no longer going to drag you down.

It worked for me, and I feel like a new person.

I’m under no illusion that we’ll always face challenges in our lives, and dark times will embrace all of us at varying points in our lives. But if you’ve always been prone to depression and wandered if there’s more to masking it with pills – and you’ve enjoyed analysing and analysing and analysing through therapy and self exploration why we are the way we are, then maybe this could work for you too.

It may be that you’ll find your own truth, and it might even more likely be that you’ll have to find it in your own way, but having been there and back in the last however long, I can’t advocate more the power of exploration through shedding away the layers of distraction and facing your truth head on.

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