Gone Fishin…

Posted on December 30, 2012


I have become awkwardly addicted to online dating this past few days, and i’m not entirely comfortable with it. I’ve not eaten properly, barely washed, and my hair looks like i’ve not left my bed in days. And i’ve not actually had one single flesh based experience yet.

This is what’s become of my Christmas treat to myself – i’ve turned into a shadow of my former self, more cynical than before, slightly more hating towards myself and oh so insecure. If someone doesn’t answer me back i’m wondering what it was I said that didn’t entice them, and when I have too many messages coming through – all from people I would never look twice at in the street – I’m starting to question my very own being.

The thing that reeled me into this particular site, was the reams of attractive chaps being flaunted at me in the selection thingy. I’ve never seen such an abundance of male choice. It’s like being on Amazon (who I’m currently boycotting), and everything’s free. But the seller has to like you too. It’s a schizophrenic window shopping experience with real purchase potential. And it’s exciting. Addictive. Consuming. And utterly utterly soul destroying.

Having swapped numbers now with a sweet but totally no potential for being my boyfriend football player, and a really FIT GUY web developer but with slightly misguided self awareness (who I don’t think even likes me all that much) – all conveniently from South London – i’m now wandering what happens next. Obviously these guys are only chatting me up for one reason, and I have no expectations for the outcome. But getting the communication balance right is tricky – do you just put it out there what you really really want, or play hard to get? We’re trapped in a texting loop. Bored singletons texting for hours on end to total strangers. And whilst the text-omy is great, it’s real world interaction I crave. With normal people. That I didn’t meet online. Who probably don’t need to go online to meet women. Our fair city is a tough place for romance though. It’s cold out there!

I feel like I have broken out in a rash. There’s no sudocrem in the world that will calm my skin down. I don’t have the patience, or the desire to keep having to resist ‘logging in’ in fear it will look like i’m ‘online’ too much, overly keen or even worse, dishing out too many sweets to the sexually malnurished.

Anyway, it’s taken me about 15mins to write this and it’s about time to go and check whether I have any new messages. You just never know. Right?

Happy New Year!