The Millionaire Matchmaker

Posted on April 11, 2013

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I am in love with this new TV show ,The Millionaire Matchmaker, a US TV show on ITV2 that I accidentally found myself watching this afternoon, about a matchmaker called Patti Stanger who matches up rich gay guys.

SOLD.

Eavesdropping on these guys first dates made me swoon, it’s so cute. None of my first dates are like this!

They talk about what they want in life.

They discuss how important communication is.

They share their hopes, dreams and fears.

They tell each other openly how they feel about the date, what they think of each other – and in one case they kissed. So romantic!

Maybe my problem is that whenever I go on dates I rarely like the person enough to want to share this information or dare I even say, let my mouth touch theirs.

I went on a really boring date last year with a guy that on paper stacked up, but in reality was so far removed from my world, or the world at large to be fair, that I should have just had the balls to ditch him after one drink to save us wasting further hours we’ll never get back. He ended up texting me on my way home asking for my pay pal details so he could invoice me for half the dinner – since we were (and I quote) never gonna see each other again.

I became celibate after that.

My recent foray into the dating world again, took me to the antidote – Jeremy, a nice guy who seemed reliable, trustworthy and honest – who after three dates admitted we had nothing in common when I approached him about it, but said since the kiss was really nice ‘might it be worth just meeting up again to explore it’?

The thought makes me shudder.

And then there’s this guy from Killing Kittens. We’ve yet to meet, but he’s mr chatty – in a good way, we have tonnes in common and the convo/banter is decent, and dare I say i’m intrigued – but i’m loathed to do that thing people do when they’ve never met, where you slip into this comfortable texting all the time thing, like its a cure for loneliness or boredom or something (referencing them that is) and then you meet and you’re like ‘shit you’re 5’7 and look nothing like your pics’.

I’m remembering why I chose to love myself for six months and delete all my online dating accounts.

So its understandable that I might be flirting with the idea of giving things another try with THE GREAT LOVE.

But if i’m honest, I just have this voice in my head singing Amy Winehouse lyrics. No, no no.

I don’t want his negative energy in my life. I don’t think he’s anywhere near the type of person I want around me, and I don’t think he’s done anything to deserve me giving him a call to arrange to meet (where we’d left it the other day). I do want to meet him, course I do. I wanna fuck his brains out.

But I feel like going back there is disrespecting myself, and only giving off the message that the way he’s behaved is okay. When really it’s not.

But then I get kinda horny, and I remember how long its been since him and me have hung out, and I remember that beneath all this stuff that I was madly deeply in love with this guy – I had genuine future feelings – and i’m kind of trying to convince myself that it would be really nice to hang out on a non relationship level, telling myself that could technically have a fling with him, no strings attached, and it would be okay.

But then this voice kicks in, no no no.

And i’m thinking this, literally just as Patty Stanger says on The Millionaire Matchmaker:

“I have one rule [if you join my matchmaking service]. Sex without monogamy doesn’t work”.

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Posted in: Journal