People are ultimately selfish beings

Posted on May 5, 2013

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When you think about it, name a truly self-less person. Your mum? Maybe.

Your partner?

Then you’re lucky.

And one of the few.

Every relationship – including friendships – that I can think of, are really rarely coming from a place of selflessness.

People are attracted to people by what they can give them.

How they make them feel.

How it reflects of them.

How much of a laugh they are.

When I think back to previous relationships, and I think about how vulnerable i’ve been, how I’ve tried to keep it quiet to myself to preserve the relationship but accidentally let it spill out when at breaking point, I feel disappointed by the actions of the person who supposedly loved me (in my case, my EX BOYFRIEND, the music producer one).

But they only loved me when I made them feel good.

When my existence catered to the boosting of their own ego.

When my actions, words and behaviours simply reiterated the elevated view they had of themselves. The person they always wanted to be, but wasn’t always sure they were.

So many of my boyfriends, come to think about it, get angry with me in time. They think i’m emotional. They seem to care less the more emotional I get.

Because I am not making them feel good.

I am not elevating their egos to a higher place.

When you are the type of person I am, it’s easy to take this personally.

To get heartbroken easily.

But in a weird way, those reactions are me coming forth from a totally selfish place.

That of my own fragile ego.

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Posted in: Journal