Bleugh. I hate drugs.

Posted on May 26, 2013

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Last night was the big hen night. Been planning it for weeks.

Being around people who were off their heads, literally falling all over the place, was really hard.

MDMA. Not done any since August 31st 2011. Where I cried for 2 days straight after, feeling suicidal and worthless after my breakup with the ex-boyfriend.

Sat in the cab with a rock in my mouth, as it fizzed and dissolved on my tongue as it combined with saliva trying psych myself up to swallow it. After five or ten minutes I pulled back the sliding doors in the 7 seater cab whilst we slowed down at the lights, and I spat it all out.

Hearing guys in the club say to me ‘your friends seem really fun’ felt disgusting.

Having people approach me asking if they could have ‘some of what they’re on’ was frustrating. I only introduced one of them because he offered £20 for a dab, and I thought my best mate could do with reclaiming some of the money spent on the night. Then I didn’t see her again for half an hour.

I didn’t stay gracious, and leave silently – slipping out the back door like most people would have. I had to try and give it a go, I had to stay out as long as I could for the sake of the bride and I had to keep an eye of them whilst they were at their most fucked so that no one took advantage.

I had to try and not get annoyed when I insistently told ‘go on, do some – join the party!’ or being told how much my best mate loves me, begging for a mandy kiss, but I did get annoyed and it showed, it showed big time. I felt angry that my best friend, who knows about my relationship with drugs had let me be in this position.

I got told I was a moody bitch by the Groom’s sister who is one of the bitchiest people I’ve possibly ever met. She’s so out of control, she even made a snidy comment once about whether the Bride and Groom would even make it to the wedding, in the Bride and Groom’s new house at their house warming. And nearly in earshot! I don’t care if she was ‘joking’.

Bitchiness is the lowest form of wit, humour and confidance.

Today I have a come down from the 10 minutes of temptation on my tongue.

Another reminder how addictions are fucking cunts.

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Posted in: Journal, The Truth