Yes! Yes yes yes yes

Posted on July 2, 2013

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I finally have something to say.

Yesterday I met up with an old friend, well, he’s not technically a friend – I’ve only ever met him once.

It was NYE back in 2009/10. It was the night after I first consummated with my ex boyfriend (music producer) and I must have had that glow about me, you know, the glow you have after you’ve just had sex with someone and it was good and suddenly all you can think about is when you’re gonna get it again.

It was a small new year’s eve dinner thing at a friends house, and I got on really well with this guy. I remember fancying him, but he had literally just broken up with his ex the day before so we were all consoling him a bit and putting the world to rights. Plus being a bit silly at the same time, like wearing fake moustache’s and spraying cream on each other’s upper lips. That sort of shit.

Anyway, this guy – let’s call him THE PILOT – he was going off to work overseas shortly after and I promised I’d write to him and send him a treats box, like I do with my brother when he goes overseas. It’s just a shoe box with lots of stuff from poundland in it, haribo, mankini’s, blow up dolls. Anything funny that the lads can joke about with, basically.

Only I started seeing my ex and it turned out The Pilot got back with his ex and we sorta lost touch.

Fast forward three years, and he sends me a leaving do invite on facebook – turns out after 10 years in the Navy he’s looking to get into more meaningful work and go and spend some time travelling round central and south america. I tell him I’ll try and go to the leaving do, and that he should keep in touch.

A few days later I was in one of my ‘I need to get the frick out of this country’ headspaces and wrote on facebook:

‘If you could leave the country tomorrow and go and live somewhere else, where would it be’.

I got an overwhelming 30 something comments all from friends and acquaintances who were clearly in the same headspace as me – including one from The Pilot. Only he messaged me privately, and we ended up chatting about life, love, the universe and wanting to change the world and make it a better place and before I knew it we were flirting and then suddenly he was all like, hey we should meet.

And I met him yesterday.

It wasn’t a date, I think we were just meeting as mates, two people with a desire to get the fuck outta here and head somewhere hot – but the minute he came over, I was like ‘wow. OMG.’ My lady bits literally woke up from hiding and I actually had to keep to looking at him, looking for the catch. Of which there was none, of course. He really is a good looking guy. Way better looking than I remembered him to be actually. Non of his photos on facebook prepared me for this.

We met around 2 in the afternoon and I was with him till nearly midnight – time flew by. We never ran out of things to say: in fact, he is a BIG talker. We talked about everything but even then it only felt like a tip on the iceberg.

We went up the Heron Tower – all 38 floors of it, in the fasted lift I have ever been in. So fast and so high my ears popped. Amazing views of London and wow, it’s just so exciting whizzing up that glass lift seeing London crumple beneath you.

Then we went to Gordon’s the classic wine bar in Embankment for an hour or so and we’d been fairly sensible till then with drinks, just a few light beers, but when he came over with a bottle of wine – and it was a good one – I thought. YES.

We then went to a talk, by Escape the City, an organisation who connect professionals with meaningful opportunities and it was random because it was in this private members club that I had been to a previous new year’s eve: a memorable night if there ever was one, because me and a friend got so high that night that we both made out with this guy at the same time, a total three way snog fest, and i’ve never forgot it! And i’m there in that same very venue reliving the moment, only under very very different circumstances. But it definitely ensured one thing was on my mind, The talk was good, but the best thing about it was The Pilot had me in stitches throughout. He’s a massive piss taker but he also put his hand up and asked a question, which was super sexy. Especially when people wanted to talk to him afterwards.

Shit man, I was funny too – I think he brings the funny out in me. Some people do that. If someone is quite starchy, i’ll mirror them. The Pilot (will come up with a new name I think, as this one isn’t working for me) is a funneee guy.

The cutest bit was when the two talkers were sharing their stories of leaving the corporate world for NGOs and I personally thought their stories were quite interesting but I don’t think my companion wasn’t as inspired as after a whole afternoon of sharing our own stories to each other he whispered to me ‘That could be us’ meaning ‘We could be doing this talk’.

Ok so I know you want me to skip ahead to the really juicy bit.

But I don’t really have anything that juicy to say.

We just proceeded to get really drunk. And whilst i’m not a massive drinker (anymore) I just really wanted to get smashed with him because I knew if we both got a bit smashed then we’d have the balls to do something about it.

But all of that to one side (and we did end up kissing – although it was more like a drunken goodbye kiss on the stairs at the station so a bit frantic and not prob the best but good enough to want more, I def wanna do it again): the point I suppose I am trying to get across here is that despite me telling him how I rarely fancy guys, how being bisexual sucks because I only ever fancy straight women etc… ultimately, I really fancied him. And LIKED him. He’s a cool guy. We get on really really well. There is definitely a connection there. We’re quite similar, and he kept saying ‘weirdly, that sounds just like me’ – and then he’d share his story of experiencing or feeling something not massively different to my own.

I didn’t tell him I fancied him, but I did say ‘We get on alright don’t we, it’s a bit weird’ and he was like ‘ER YEHH. Today’s been amazing’ (or words to that effect). His follow up text reiterated how much fun he had.

So its a shame that he leaves for Guatamala in 30 days.

I like this guy. We really talked yesterday – I talked about things I would never talk to people about, like having to have drugs councilling and going to therapy to work through my issues. And instead of being judged as a crazy lady, he related to it as had been to see councillors himself, mainly because of post-traumatic stress but he totally gets it. He said he is a big advocate of therapy. And I suppose that makes sense, he’s a big talker. Very open. Wears heart on sleeve. And is VERY in tune with his emotions. Like for example, (and i’ll wrap up soon, because i’m aware i’m going on a bit) we analysed where all our relationships had been going wrong, talked about our needs and what we think we’d do differently next time we meet someone. Blokes aren’t normally that hyper-aware are they?

Shame he’s leaving, but I intend to make the most of this situation whilst it lasts.

He’s already text me to say he’ll come to my neck of the woods next time to bring me his Wire boxsets. And he put a winky face.

I’m excited, nervous, scared.

All the good stuff.

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Posted in: Journal