I was taken out for dinner last night

Posted on July 5, 2013


..by The Pilot, who I met up with on Monday and had that 10 hour date with.

In the week we’ve basically been messaging non stop, across every platform you could even imagine.

He even said the other day how we’ve talked across more channels than he’s ever talked to anyone on, in his entire life. All we need to do now is skype and old fashioned letter. Whatsapp, text, phone, email and facebook – all checked off the list. One could add twitter there into the list if they wanted to. But he’s not on twitter.

I’m sat here writing this a little bit under the influence if I am honest, so forgive me now if I make grammatical mistakes.

So yes, I’ll get to last night.


That’s one word that accurately describes the whole thing. He had thought it out, planned it, booked it, done everything.

At this stage i’d like to recall the guy who I went out with last year who didn’t plan a thing, and when it boiled down to it he asked if I could send him half the money for a really shit dinner we had together by paypal. The same night where I had to buy my own drinks, and when my cutlery was a bit caked in hard dried food, he wiped it and said ‘aren’t I your knight in shining armour’ like it was the most heroic thing he’d ever done for another single human being.

Anyway, so rewinding forward to last night – I’m being spoiled rotten. He’s buying me expensive drinks and encourages me, when we go to this super fancy and lovely art deco amazing restaurant to order to the steak. And not the cheap shit steak he says, go for the XYZ one (which happens to be the priciest on the menu).

And the whole time I just fancy the pants off him and I am wholly enjoying his company and feeling very relaxed in it.

And we bring up the subject of how we meet.

He remembers things I had forgotten. And it comes about because I ask him – ‘list three things about me that you like’.

I didn’t expect it to take 45 fucking minutes to answer. But its all good shit. It was a good conversation. And we slowly ate our meal whilst we chatted.

First thing he said:

1. I like how open I feel when I’m with you. I talk about things I wouldn’t necessarilly feel comfortable talking about with other people. 

Several minutes passed as we explored this. To be fair, we’d told each other quite explicitly about our previously relationship and sexual history, our mental health issues (ie councilling, depression etc), and various other problems (for me drugs and food issues / for him smoking and cocaine). 

2. He said that THAT conversation we had on NYE in 2009 was life changing for him. That apparently I inspired him to explore his sexuality more than he ever had before. And literally – he reminded me of how we’d been at an after party new year’s day thing the next day, and he’d pull some bird. But how how that experience also involved a guy. I was livid at this point because it took me some time to remember this particular event, in fact I’d blanked it out because at the time i’d thought he might have been a bit of a dead cert so I suddenly was taken back to feelings of rejection and frustration because I could remember him going off with someone less attractive and I had been really annoyed and dejected at the time. I told him this – we have this innate ability to be 100% truthful with each other. No games, no shame. And he told me how his mate had berated him and told him off for pulling that girl, coz he could have had me. I just said, ‘ah well, you had an amazing sexual and liberating experience – you can’t beat that’. And he replied ‘OR I could have pulled a much fitter girl. But I didn’t have the guts, I didn’t know she fancied me.’ (MEANING ME, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T GET THIS 🙂 _ )

By this point I was ready for No 3 reason as to why he likes me.

3. He said, and I quote ‘Ok shit, this is a biggie but its a weird one to explain. But it can be best explained by the fact that 45 minute have gone by and I still haven’t finished my meal.’ Apparently he normally eats really fast – as do I. Turns out he was taking it slow because he was more interested in the conversation, and he actually said ‘because I am sort of mirroring you. And you’re relishing every bite. And taking time to eat it. It’s quite sensual, actually’

To be fair, we did have a really expensive steak.

It was an amazing night. We kissed lots. Were super touchy feely. Lots of hugs, and ‘fuck you smell nices’. We ended up in a gay bar and of course the conversation turns to sex, which I am more than happy to do. As is he. He is just as sexual as me and just as comfortable talking about past experiences and hopes and dreams for the future. 

By the end of the night, it was almost boarding on ‘woah there’ because there a bit too much emotional and insuation that we could really fall for each other, and the fact that we were only on the 4th time we’d ever met each other that it was all a bit too weird and too much, and given he is leaving the country within the month, that we should possibly just back the fuck away. 

This was his logic.

Mine was – no fucking way! I haven’t come THIS far, to meet someone I genuinely like and feel a genuine bond and chemistry with, to just lose it because maybe its ‘too much’. I told him in no uncertain terms that if we didn’t fuck each other, I would be absolutely gutted.

Anyway there is a chance he is coming up tomorrow so I will update you if anything interesting happens.

Needless to say THE GREAT LOVE decides to call me last night. 

For fucks sake.

I didn’t answer.

But I really am so unadulteratedly frustrated by him that it means I contemplate things I would NEVER in a millions years contemplate with other people. 

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