You like me, and I like you. That’s a pretty solid, unchallengable fact – right?

Posted on July 11, 2013

5


After my epiphany yesterday where I realised that just because you ignore someone, it doesn’t mean you don’t respect or like them (in relation to my own coping strategy with The Pilot), I found myself writing an email to the person whom I really care about.

Anyway, I sent the email.

I just did it.

Dear The Great Love

You like me, and I like you. That’s a pretty solid, unchallengable fact – right?

A metric fuck tonne of neuroses keep stopping us from having things the way we would probably like, sure…and we annoy the hell out of each other sometimes. We probably lead with emotion over maturity sometimes. But we’re smart, emotionally aware people. Surely we can figure this all out, right?

I know it was impulsive texting you the other Saturday night, and i’m really sorry I brought the emotion back into it. Believe it or not, I actually felt really good after our platonic beer and ‘man hug’. I’m sorry you found it hard but I did really need your help, and it was really useful.

 

I’m just suddenly massively aware of how I’ve been letting my insecurities and neediness get in the way of us having something, even if that something doesn’t have a label on it. I don’t know if you feel the same. I think sometimes you fuck it up, sometimes it’s me, and other times we are both as bad as each other.

 

I need to give things space to breathe don’t I. I do see, that in all my excitement and neediness all that has done in the past is put a tremendous amount of pressure on the situation. 

 

Equally, I’d like you to recognise that my time/feelings are worth a little more due care. But I know your coping strategy is to give things a wide berth when you’re feeling too much intensity, worry or fear. If you think you could work on this though, could we maybe start over (again)? Or is that a ridiculous, silly, stupid suggestion? To be honest right now, I’d just be over the moon to have a chat and a hug. I want to eradicate the tension and be close again – even if just as friends (who are maybe a bit more tactile than normal friends) 🙂

 

If this isn’t where you’re at or if those terms seem unachievable or unreasonable – i’ll understand and I promise i’ll let go. I’m really not trying to do your head in by sending this and opening up a somewhat closed can of worms. But perhaps if we properly did clear that long overdue air, we might both get to much better places in our heads about all this? Whatever the outcome?

 

I am also willing to stand in front of you, and for you to tell me that you are worried you have been massively messing me about, and that maybe you don’t really want anything from me after all, that i’ve been on the receiving end of your own issues. I can take that. In fact, I’d really like to hear that – should that be the case. I promise I won’t get upset.

 

What i’m saying is, I really wanna push past this weird are we moving on/limbo/emotional hangover/but shit I’d still really like to fuck you or see you thing. And I think we can. 

 

Talk?

Meet?

 

x

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Posted in: Journal, Letters