I have the flu, and I’m getting hypnotised in two days

Posted on September 12, 2013

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I can’t stop sweating.

I have very little energy to do anything like get dressed, washed, eat or talk to anyone.

Yup, the weather turned autumnal and straight away I have gotten ill. Pathetic!

Being at home this past day and a half has left me with a lot of time to think, and i’m caught in a mind loop. Whether it’s thinking about the past or planning the future, I can’t relax. Looking at work emails earlier, gave me slight chest pains.

So I thought i’d pull up my laptop and instead of browsing what films and tv shows i’m ‘planning’ on – but will never – watch on Netflix, my plan was to just talk about where I’m at. And what I am hoping to achieve from hypnotherapy on Saturday.

Everything seems to have cause and effect at the moment.

When The Great Love came back into my life a few months ago, offering me the one thing I thought I wanted the most in the world (a relationship / love etc) I quickly realised that that wasn’t my priority.

His anti-relationship-like behaviour did the same thing it always does, and made me miserable for a few weeks. And I hit rock bottom. Again.

Realising that I was addicted to the concept of that relationship, the prospect of its potential more than the reality, I started to question what his role was in my life. Why does he keep agreeing to give things another go, then very quickly start acting like I don’t exist. Why does he keep torturing me like that? And why do I keep letting him back in? Why am I so drawn to trying to make things work with him? Why do I keep investing so much energy in it, when he clearly can’t (or won’t) ever invest the same back, despite popping up twice a year arguing differently.

I realised that until I unearthed the answers to these questions I wouldn’t be able to move on. Someone somewhere was trying to give me a message, and I really started to feel like I had to explore it, and understand it. FINALLY. Because there is going to be no more me and ‘The Great Love’ so this is my final chance. I was being pulled toward understanding this like nothing ever before.

A conversation with a clairvoyant led me to thinking about the greater consciousness of the universe – something i’ve always believed in, but spent very little time trying to understand. I was brought up catholic, but never really believed in God – it seemed, and has always seemed, a bit fantastical. A bit contradictory. But as i’ve gotten older, i’ve become more spiritual and found myself on a bit of a quest to understand how we can answer some of the unresolved questions of the world.

The psychic I spoke to seemed to know so much about me and my situation.

It freaked me out a little bit.

But I felt amazing after.

With me revealing very few details, at least I was trying not to – but its impossible to say nothing – it felt like she knew me and The Great Love. Like she could see him in his room, hiding away from the world, lying to avoid facing up to his fears. Avoiding me, to avoid having to deal with his self-perpetuated inadequacies or misgivings. She said that this guy I loved, loved me back – but he was terrified. Terrified and self-loathing. She said he just wasn’t ready yet, that he need to do a lot of work on himself first.

I only asked her if I was investing my energy in the right place, now that a guy from my past was saying he was finally ready to give things a go, and that I wasn’t sure.

Weird huh?

Shocked by her knowledge, I asked her if she was just ‘reading’ me like I was transparent, as if my romantic situation was text book stuff. But she said she used a technique called ‘remote viewing’. Clairvoyants spend years mastering it, and genuine psychics (as opposed to the many fakes out there) perfect this method in order to gain valuable insights and accuracy in their readings. She said that by emanating love, you can offer healing through remote viewing. She reckoned I had healing potential, and that I could probably learn how to remote view and I could send my beau some healing myself. She really liked The Great Love, despite me feeling frustrated. She said he’s a good guy, that he’s just vulnerable, has a lot of issues. She seemed to be rooting for us, and said we were a great match.

I spoke to my therapist about this – she works out of a very reputable teaching college in London. I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to tell myself The Great Love and I ARE NOT a great match, and I didn’t want a psychic healer to throw me off track. I was hoping she would dispute my psychic and tell me she was bull.

What my therapist said, surprised me. Turns out some of the therapists at the college, practice the art of remote viewing.

It would seem that in modern psychiatry there is a huge focus on alternative and spiritual healing. It’s new age and a lot of people are wary of it, but even the NHS now employs spiritual healers.

Woah there.

I started thinking about how vast and full of potential the universe is. Could it be possible that our minds have the power to tap into a universal energy force, a higher consciousness if you will – and see and feel things that are beyond mainstream thinking?

It would explain a lot, if it could – right?

Randomly – or coincidentally – I found myself at  the Science Museum, as competition winners for one of the big credit card companies. A good friend of mine and I sat on cushions in an inflatable planetarium and looked at the stars in the universe, many millions of light years away. We learned about black holes, and dwarfs and why stars die and how planets form.

Understanding evolution the way I do, a mix of school girl science and post-breakdown psychotherapy and basic buddhist philosophy – the power of consciousness, the mind and ‘energy’ suddenly felt like it had limitless potential. The meaning of life, suddenly felt more ridiculously complex and open to a stream of incredible possibilities.

Hey look – if quantum physicists are investing heavily in trying to prove time travel and the possibility of parallel universes, then surely, anything is possible. Right?

And I found myself starting to think about souls.

I’ve always believed in the soul. I have never been able to explain it, but always believed the soul and the personality were too separate things. I feel like I have soul connections with people sometimes. I have been told by every clairvoyant i’ve ever seen that both my grandmother’s are with me in spirit, and whether this has anything to do with it or not, my maternal grandmother was my god-mother, and my paternal grandmother and I were pretty close, even though she died when I was 18. If you want to believe that sort of thing, and I’m not always sure where I stand on it, but it could be argued that if spirits exist because our bodies are mere vessels, then it could be possible that reincarnation exists, like ancient wisdom has always supported.

I’ve always wondered if I had any past lives.

My love of history, my ‘old’ soul and deep connections with people who feel like ‘soulmates’ has often made me wander if my depression and unsatisfaction with my current life is connected to a past beyond 1979. I carry so much sadness around with me, with little or no reason to, and whilst in the right company I laugh and love lots, I generally feel burdoned and repressed. I strive so much to break free from it, and to people on the outside it must look like I live this life full of love and adventure. Yet 80% of the time I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Through Time into Healing

I bought a book on past life regression by Dr Brian Weiss, called Through Time Into Healing. I bought it with an open mind, curiosity mostly. I didn’t believe in any of this stuff (yet – and I’m still not sure what to think) but I found myself getting really drawn in. Dr Brian Weiss is credible. He’s a prominant reputable psychiatrist based in Miami. He’s written many books and tours the world, talking about his discoveries with hypno-therapy and past life regression now that he’s comfortable talking about it, and no longer fearing how it would affect his reputation.

It’s fascinating stuff and I would recommend reading this book if anyone else out there is intrigued about past life regression and healing as I am.

People talk about coming out of hypnosis feeling light and happy. In 90% of cases, neuroses and illnesses are seemingly cured.

So i’ve booked a session this weekend with a well known hypno-therapist in London to see if we can unearth some explanations and some healing for my long term issues.

All I want it to move forward in life, to love and respect myself the way I should, to shed the burden of pain that I carry round with me and find some inner peace.

That’s all anyone wants right?

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Posted in: Journal, The Truth