What is attraction?

Posted on December 7, 2013


I just went on date three with a girl I like.

Only, its got under my skin because she didn’t seem so keen by the end of the date as she was on the other two.

And i’ve been taking my time with it. I haven’t pounced. I’ve wanted something to grow – because with every other relationship I’ve ever had, its always been an instant hit. Like getting high.

And look where its gotten me.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve wanted to see if something could grow over time. And it’s not worked in the past because I like that high. I get off on the adrenaline rush of lust, the needy, ego driven thrill of ‘having’ someone that I really like who’s more often than not totally wrong for me. There’s something in that wrongness, that burns my fire.

So when someone nice comes along, I don’t get that burning feeling. It will come in time, I tell myself. The only example I can think of for when this has actually happened, was after I guy I was seeing started seeing someone else. Only THEN did I suddenly really really WANT him.

Tonight I started to think my lady friend had potential. I wanted to see her again. She’s great company, cute and got an amazing energy. I thought to myself, if only we could get some alone time. We need to take this to the next level, but it was all so conscious in my mind as opposed to organic, which is usually how it works for me.

When I’m attracted to someone, I usually have no choice in the matter. It’s an inevitable mutual crush. There’s no ‘do they / don’t they’ about it. It just is. And its passionate. It’s a dominant energy that needs to be shaken out. And when flesh meets flesh its another world for those moments.

But attraction works on many levels. I like the idea of a slow burn, the knowledge that a sumptuous feast will one day be upon you but for now its a delicate nibble round the edges of lust. Identifying, assessing, investigating, anticipating.

One thing is for sure, and please tell me your views on this, I want you to agree or assure me there is another way – but you can’t beat the undeniable pleasure of instant attraction. The animalistic, unspoken, knowing sense that something is going to happen. That something simply HAS to happen.

I suspect that when you’re telling yourself ‘it will grow / it will come’ that it never will.

Lust and basic attraction can evolve into true love, and with that a deeper level of attraction.

But can lust grow, when it wasn’t there to start with?

Posted in: Journal