Home is where the heart is

Posted on September 4, 2014

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When I was away I really missed home.

By home I mean my apartment in South East London, my safe place. 

I’ve owned my apartment (my first ever owned property, albeit it’s shared ownership ha! So part-owned) for just over two years now, and I have never felt these feelings before of knowing there’s a safe place that when I’m in it, no one or nothing can touch me. Times that I’ve rented out my spare room have been difficult because there’s another energy to contend with, to share non verbal communication with and battle non verbally with. If you’ve ever rented out your spare room you’ll know what I mean! Getting annoyed when they’ve used something of mine and not replaced it, or having to put a face on with when really you just wanna be on your own but you have to present a happy front. 

Now I live alone and its marvellous. I was born to live alone! Sure – the time’s i’ve lived with someone in a relationship (only technically once but there are other times when its been unofficial but almost daily) have been great and needing my own space has never really been that much of a challenge, but perhaps that’s because I was happy. And young.

And i’m quite good at ending things before it gets too ugly.

I’m renting my place out now on airbnb and every now and then I have to declutter and get it looking pristine – I put fresh cut flowers everywhere (including the bathroom!) and buy them nice coffee. Even though it’s weird letting strangers into my home they also appreciate arriving to a new city and having a place they call their own for a few weeks, and that’s a nice feeling to share that with them. I don’t even mind having to go someplace else for the duration, because ‘I like the smell of new things’. Change is good for me. I can’t sit still or stay in the same place for too long otherwise I stagnate.

I think buying a home was super important to me, as much as its a part of life – an important progression up the lifestage ladder – I needed to own a home so that wherever I am in the world, whatever I am doing, I have this anchor that will always pull me back. I’ll never get completely lost.

I wanna spend my life moving around. I know this now. I’m probably never gonna be the ‘stay in one place, get married, live there for 20 years whilst rearing kids, and wait for them to grow up till we get divorced’ kinda gal. I’m more in the Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt camp – doing whatever I want to and not necessarilly in the right order. But like them, I want a family and to have a solid unit with my best friend.

Am feeling fired up today. I have an exciting new business project to call my own and it’s never felt more ‘me’. I’m doing what i’m supposed to be doing.

#Happy

 

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Posted in: Journal