Getting older, and what it means these days

Posted on September 20, 2014


So, a month ahead of my 35th Birthday I’m feeling contemplatitive about how different ‘getting older’ is compared to what I thought it would be when I was younger.

Whatever I thought it would be – its the complete opposite! The ‘journey’ is definitely more about personal development as opposed to ticking off key life stages on a piece of paper.

Take for example, I am a city girl at heart. I love being connected to people and the environment around me, and whilst I can spend a lot of time by myself I’m not very good in total isolation. Yet I’ve just spent three weeks at my parents house, in a small village in Lincolnshire that’s 20minutes drive from the nearest town. It’s a good 20 minute walk to the village, and about 45mins on a bus from the nearest train station. I’ve hardly left the house to be honest. I’ve not touched a drop of alcohol (bar half a pint of guiness ‘for the iron’) and I’ve not even felt that itching desire to go out. I’m working every day on an exciting new project, something I can hopefully talk about soon, and by the time i’m back in London, I’ll pretty much be heading overseas again (if all goes according to plan!).

I’ve learned a lot whilst being up here. Not because it has given me the space to think but because I am aware I am slowly making leaps forward in my personal development thanks in part to Osho, who’s life changing book ‘Love, Freedom & Aloneness’ kept me awake most nights as I page turned through it. But also because I am doing the thing that I love and am meant to be doing, not for anyone else, but for myself. Truly, for maybe really, the first ever time.

But it’s taken a real long road to get here.

When I was younger I thought I would be married by now with babies, and I didn’t really have many thoughts about that or what it would be like or what that even means, it was ingrained in us because that that was what you do because that was what our parents did. It’s just what people do.

But we’ve all grown up to see that you don’t have to do that. There are other ways of living your life.

Reading the Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris, I realised that you can design your own life. We don’t have to fit into a mould set out by society. Sure, that might seem obvious but think about how many people don’t realise this yet. We’re all pushed down a certain path – whether its to go to university, buy a house, get a pension or find ‘true love’. Whilst these things might be sensible or nice or fulfilling or whatever, it creates a tremendous amount of pressure on everyone and conjours up feelings of failure if you’re not doing them when society dictates that you should be.

Whilst owning my own home is important to me, right now I can’t live in it because I can’t afford to pay my mortgage – but thanks to Airbnb I can invite guests into one of my two bedrooms and that gives me some sorta income I otherwise wouldn’t have. So I’m just rolling with it. Not in it ha. Going with the flow.

I don’t have a 5 year plan.

I can’t tell you what I’ll be doing in a month.

But technically unemployed, self employed actually, but with no regular income coming in, no romantic partners on the horizon (to help support my endeavours, not that i’m that kinda gal, at the least to provide much needed hugs); and with no guarantees that any of this is going to work out – I tell you what, I’m happy.

I have a sense of self confidance that I know wasn’t there before.

I’ve overcome a lot of fears in recent times, and built myself back up from places that I’d gone to which were challenging, but really, were only amazing, and lucky for me eye openers. I don’t feel like I’m failing anymore, just experimenting. And it feels like i’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, and really, its an incredible freaking feeling 🙂

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