Depression: everyone’s talking about it

Posted on October 22, 2014

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You noticed?

Everyone’s coming out.

It feels less like this big scary shameful thing.

I love it 🙂

People are getting kudos for being honest about their panic attacks and their social anxieties or self harming or drug or alcohol addictions.

I have really struggled this October with a few things actually, which just shows that depression doesn’t just disappear when you ‘get better’ but when life throws shit at you, it can sometimes stick.

One of the biggest issues i’m tackling right now is the relationship with my mother. She’s a force to be reckoned with, an overly caring, anger management issues type who can be screaming at you one minute then making you a big roast dinner the next. But if you don’t eat it all, she’ll get offended and throw a tantrum – possibly even start shouting at you for being ungrateful.

She means well, but it’s ever so difficult to be around and this past few weeks I was staying with her and my Dad, and I really noticed how up and down she is. And how it affected me – I was having chest pains sometimes and I felt like I couldn’t breath after an ‘attack’ from her, where I’d be called various names and shouted at quite agressively. All things we’ve just put up with over the decades as ‘it’s just her mediteranean way’.

But since I’ve been growing up a lil bit and finding my own version of what I suppose some people could call ‘peace’, I really  noticed it when I went home, objectively noticed it. And it wasn’t right. Her behaviour was so incredible unhealthy, it scared me. And I suppose I put up a bit of a fight.

Which never helps.

There’s so much more to DEPRESSION.

It’s not just being sad. Or experiencing prolonged low mood (written on my health record, which made me feel a bit ‘hmf’). Mental Health disorders cover a spectrum of behaviours and someone might not be ‘depressed’ per se, but in the case of my Mum she’s got decades of issues buried, and scrunched up deeply inside her and now she can’t see how to unknot them. She doesn’t even realise she needs to. Which makes unpicking them, really tricky. Communication for me as well, particularly hard.

I know I can be quite forthright about these things with people and it can open up a can of worms that might have been safer and better left closed. I know it’s not my right to hold the mirror in people’s faces, and sometimes I can do this without even trying because people’s behaviours effect me too.

But maybe now that the whole world’s talking about it, it will be easier for individuals to get access to information, awareness and the ability to find their own unique voice in all this, and start making their way through the muddle that is your depression or mental health journey.

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Posted in: The Truth