An evening with Temptation

Posted on October 24, 2014

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I like to sprinkle a bit of real life titilation in amongst the darkness, hence why I sometimes refer to my love life on here. I know it’s private stuff and should probably stay that way, but really – what’s this little thing called life all about, if it’s not to colour in some of the shade with, well, that all important bit of colour?

It happened.

Temptation came round.

I really wasn’t expecting it.

I was prepared for a fall.

I felt a bit nervous. Butterflies. The good stuff I suppose.

After reading the incredible Osho, and the revelations discovered from a highly rated philosophical/spiritual master writing a whole chapter in his book on how repressing lust is bad for the soul I’d started to see things differently about my relationship with The Great Love, or Temptation as I’d refered to him in my last post A Conversation with Temptation.

As I have been ‘growing up’ in my emotional view recently, focusing on my new business venture and feeling generally really rather good about myself and what I want in life, it was like all that focus on wanting a relationship with The Great Love this past few years was just as unhealthy as his hesitation to move forward. There was something in my intense desire to have a full on relationship that was causing him to hold back, and I can see why now. I was freaking out before, far too much. I was insecure, and he was bringing it out in me. It wasn’t healthy. Or I suppose, all that attractive. Plus I was trying to pretend it wasn’t there, and then acting passive agressively.

I know this on reflection, because of this dear of friend of mine. This blog.

Once I had realised ‘The Great Love’ was about discovering my own love for myself (something I realised around a year ago), in time the whole world had started looking different to me. I was becoming happier. More confidant and self assured. Unafraid. Unashamed. And ready to move on. Or be alone. Nothing has been bothering me as much anymore, as I have been moving more in the direction of what I think I am supposed to be doing with my life. I don’t feel like I needed another person to make me happier – I am doing that all by myself thank you very much! I had blips along the way, don’t get me wrong… but generally speaking the peaks have been rising higher and it feels good.

And so ‘no repression Wednesday’ came about last week. I felt like I deserved some fun, ya know? Something us single gals all crave but don’t always have the balls to go and get.

I figured – if lust repressed, is deadly. Then those animal urges, if reciprocated, should be healthily carried out.

And I am so glad they were.

I shan’t reveal too much of the detail – there are some things that definitely should be kept private. But it was really rather lovely. And needed.

Who knows what the future holds, but I feel like The Great Love is no longer a subject I shall be talking about anymore. It was less a person, and more a journey. And that’s in the past now I think. As for Temptation? Well, he may stick around for a while longer but who really knows.

All I know is, once we’d gotten past the initial awkwardness of catching up and not really knowing what was happening between us (“So shall I head off then?” “Uh, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to of course”), the rest of the night was beautiful. And sweet. Tender. Fucking Intense at times. Comforting. And oh so familiar. It just felt on the whole, really natural. And satisfying.

And nowhere near finished. Not in the slightest.

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Posted in: Journal