Why it’s called Falling…(in love)

Posted on March 29, 2016


I’ve got vertigo. I feel physically sick. I head back to London with a heavy heart. It doesn’t feel great.

Two months ago, someone chose me.

They approached in a club, they liked me, wanted to get to know me. Thought I was cute.

I dismissed him initially, then immediately felt sad which felt strange. I felt a connection too.

Falling in love doesn’t always make sense.

What makes two strangers feel that way? A mix of chemicals rushing to the brain or the loins and you have a delectable cocktail of crazy.

Lust doesn’t last though does it.

For love to flow through you need goodness, joy and purity. Or whatever values you hold dear.

I got surprised.

I wrote it off ages ago, I told myself that it was just a silly bit of fun. A holiday romance.

But he persisted. He didn’t stray. He seemed happy that I wanted to see HIM again.

And now here we are, several stolen moments of innocence later and i’m crazily, head over heels fallen in love with him. And it was full of joy. It has been sheer joy. Till now.

Now I feel scared, lonely, in crisis. Unconvinced he feels the same way. Paranoid and insecure.

I want to push him away, to tell him to leave me alone, to act like I don’t care, telling myself i’m giving him space to figure out what he wants. To give him the freedom to be alone and not feel any pressure to be tied into this temporary shelf-life of a romance thing with me. I sensed him pulling away you see, being less available and it scared me.

I don’t want to fall.