A Psychic & A Love Letter

Posted on October 26, 2016

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I have been working with a Psychic advisor/coach recently (yes, I know this sounds a little bizarre!) but I can’t stress enough how she just seems to know so much about my life and the people I care about, without me hardly telling her a thing.

It’s quite amusing how it works, I drop her a video note on an app explaining a question I have for her with the first name and date of birth of the person I am curious to know about, and she then delivers me a 3minute video back telling me what she can “see” when she meditations upon the question and the person(s), when relevant.

She recently delivered me a video message whilst being a passenger in a car, bumping along with her seatbelt strapped across her – other times I can hear someone cooking in the background, pots and pans clammering about. It does make you laugh, psychic-insight delivery has come far from the mysterious lady with a crystal ball who tells of your future. Women around the world, talented or not i’m sure, are monetising their supposed “gifts” of foresight via meditation. It seems i’ve found a good one, although I always go into every reading with a certain amount of scpeticism and suspicion. With Annabelle though, I can’t yet seem to fault her. She’s very good.

I told my Psychic, Annabelle I had possibly met someone new. I asked her if this was real or if I was getting overly excited about it. She told me that my great love is going to come around again, and whether I want to get involved with him or not, I have baggage from this relationship whether I like it or not which is going to hold me back. Ok so this statement anyone could make, it’s not a psychic statement per se – but it’s insightful. It made me question – do I have baggage? I mean, I thought I have moved on. My heart has died a little in terms of it’s vibration for my ex-that was never a boyfriend-ex, i’ve not been thinking about him this last fortnight and I found myself falling, perhaps a little too quickly, for someone else.

There’s nothing like falling for someone else though, that shows you you can fall for someone else! This is huge, I like these little reminders. I usually fall for on average one person a year or two, and even then I can pick a million reasons why the relationship won’t work out. This new guy, the fireman, well shucks. He seemed just as interested too. Boxes were being ticked.

But i’m not sure anymore – I suspect the distance between us will be prevent things moving forward. In order to clear any blocks though, since he did come across as an incredible period I want to make myself ready to truly fall in love with someone new. Thanks to my Psychic advisor I realised how deeply I wanted to help the great love of my life and I move on. So I decided to write him a love letter.

To recap – in July him and me talked about getting married and having kids together, and how we have loved each other since the moment we laid eyes on each other 9 years ago. We said we’d take it slow but we would give it a go. Then within 3 weeks he’d ghosted me and i’ve not heard from him since. Cruel and cold huh. That shit doesn’t fly with me usually, but i’ve tolerated it from him for 9 years because of his Aspergers. Many Psychics over the years have remote viewed him, and told me that he’s in deep pain and blocks me out because he can’t cope with the overwhelming emotions he feels.

Anyway, I felt compelled to draft this and without thinking too much about it, I hit send:

Hey,

First and foremost, this email comes with huge love and warm wishes. I hope you’re doing okay.

I kept thinking maybe you just needed a little time to process everything but I now realise (and accept) this for what it is, and so I thought i’d write to you in case you’re not feeling too good about the way things turned out. I want you to know that you’re gonna be okay about this some day. 

There is no animosity here. If that’s something you are worrying about. If I know you even slightly, i’d say you might be even if just a little bit. So this is me saying, stop beating yourself up!  I know you’ll scoff at me for saying this, but everything DOES happen for a reason.

I also know you hate my long emails, but if you are reading this, then I hope the following comes across as well meaning as it was intended. 

Indulge me for a moment. 

We are two totally different people. Aside from blood skin and bones we actually do have quite different interests and values. We don’t truly know each other and from the little we do know, based on the shadows of our former selves and the fragments revealed this year, it’s quite probable we wouldn’t have discovered the relationship we envisioned in our minds. We put a lot of pressure on each other didn’t we! A connection alone, whilst intoxicating, it’s not enough, and I think that the idea of our aforementioned potential overshadowed the building of any solid foundations. Our minds (and hearts) skipped ahead before we have the facts presented in front of us.

In a game of sliding doors, have you ever played out the reality of an ‘us’? Was there ever an ending that wasn’t happily ever after? You ever noticed how when we get to know our romantic prospects we often overlook the clues that point to a less than ideal story. I’ve learned that you can change yourself but you can’t be responsible for someone else’s transformation. If I meet someone new tomorrow, I know its taken me a while but i’d be ready to build a future together and start a family. I’ve not given up yet on the 2.4 kids ideal, if anything I believe in that now more than I ever did. I’ve worked hard for it honey, to get to that stage in my life. I’m just not entirely sure that if you and I got together that you’d be ready for that just yet. Perhaps in hindsight, it was unfair of me to suggest we give it another go back in July, I see that now. 

That doesn’t mean I agree with your lack of communication. It’s been tough; and I know i’ve never been shy to tell you that. But the things you were feeling are important and shouldn’t be ignored. Anyway, I’m not actually writing this to highlight how you hurt me; i’m genuinely writing because I want to let you know that it’s okay that you did. I know you’re in pain too. We don’t talk for long periods, but there are times when I dream about you and I know you dream about me. I also know you cut yourself off emotionally, that you distract yourself and avoid facing the headlights. Try to sit in that place of fear for a moment though it can be illuminating.

It’s a frequent pattern though, the silent treatment thing; and we’d be fools to put it down just to good old fashioned fear. Maybe we’d have gotten to know each other properly and seen that it wouldn’t work. Or perhaps I wouldn’t tolerate certain behaviours from you, and you could see that on the horizon. Do you know what I mean? You always said your biggest fear was giving things a go, only for me to turn around and say I didn’t want to be with you or didn’t love you. Part of me started to feel like I wasn’t smart enough or into politics enough to keep up with you to be honest and oddly that fear became my own. Yet i’m quietly confidant in my abilities as a prospective girlfriend and neither loyalty nor love are issues for me. I felt like we had a lot of rediscovering each other to do before we could really assess if being together was our destiny though – probably because I really know what I want now and i’m not willing to settle for anything less than that which I did for a really long time whilst I navigated my way to this place. 

That all said there is something very beautiful in whatever it was that brought us together over these years and whilst it might be hard to see it right now and make peace with it, I urge you to explore the meaning in it. Furthermore, irrespective of how you feel and how you perceive yourself, you’re amazing. You really are. And you’re going to be okay. You are. We’re all lost, and I think part of the reason people come into our lives is to help us find our way back to our true selves.

When you’re ready to talk, be it next week, in a month or a year or ten years. You know how to find me. It might be an unorthodox friendship but it’s there regardless of time and space.

Love always,

Xx

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