The Double Chapter: Hospital Visits & NYE

Posted on April 24, 2017

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Hospital visits.

In December my Mum got sick. It worsened towards New Year, and I sprung a surprise visit on her in hospital, which in turn surprised me. Her ward was full with 4 very sick ladies who were in advanced stages of liver disease. One died whilst she was in that ward. Two others looked like they were going blind, curled up most days in a drug hazed ball, and the other two were more compos mentos. Mum was one of the former, but after many tests to ascertain what was wrong with her, she had to endure the news that she had liver disease, cozied up in a ward amongst it’s later stage victims. There was nothing about the delivery of that news that came with much hope.

NYE.

I had arranged to spend new years eve with a friend, and I was looking forward to it. I had told him that NYE gave me the heeby jeebies, and that it meant a lot to have a fun wallet friendly plan, rather than spend it alone.

We were going to hang out in our local area and do a bar crawl. At least, that’s how I understood it.

Two days before the big day, I got a whatsapp message inviting me, along with some of our neighbours, to our local pub to join him for a drink.

I was fuming. I spent the next 48 hours pissed off, scribbling furiously in my CBT diary, pretty fucking certain this black mark against our friendship was not a feature of my imagination. A female friend confirmed my smoke: how dare he invite you to his NYE out, when it’s your night out too! Her husband also quite rightly pointed out that he’s a bloke who had probably just made an innocent mistake.

I stubbornly stayed in that night, cancelling on him on the night – that’ll show him I thought – the first NYE where I didn’t go out partying since I was 13 years old. I’d been going out on NYE for half my life! I felt¬†liberated. I had previously been caught in a case of habit, terrified of spending this much loved but equally revered big night of the year, by myself – when really the answer to my terrible new years eves had been there all along. I was in bed by 9pm, binge watched an entire 6 part crime mystery on my laptop, and got up only to watch the fireworks.

I felt incredible the next day starting the new year empowered and feeling kind of ballsy having stuck my fingers up at the world (and to bad friendships).

How are you getting on? Thanks for sticking with me to this point! Some more reading options for you whilst you wait upon the next chapter:

Rejection Rules

Being The Best Version Of You

What A Crisis Can Teach You About Love

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Posted in: Journal